Indestructible
by imnotokaywiththerunning
Summary: Canon continuation. Charlie and Elsie's future has become muddled by unexpected circumstances. "I guess a loving woman is indestructible." John Steinbeck
1. Indestructible

**A/N This idea has been sitting in my computer for a few months now. I think I've finally got all the little pieces put together to form a coherent story. I got this idea from Mistressdickens who posted a list of quotes on Tumblr for a Downton Canon prompt challenge. I'll be using a few of them for this story. This is going to be about 4 or 5 short chapters that I plan to post every other day.**

"I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible."

John Steinbeck, _East of Eden_

C&E

The fear that filled his eyes as she told him of her discovery nearly broke her. She had been holding in her own fear since she had felt the solid object beneath her skin. She had wanted to be strong for him. She didn't want him to hurt. He had already been through enough in the past year- his shaking hands, his forced retirement. This...this wasn't fair.

"Are you certain?" he asked helplessly. Slowly Elsie placed Charles's hand to the small lump in her breast. She knew the exact moment he felt it. He let out a strained gasp. "Oh, Elsie…"

Elsie cupped his face in her hands wiping away his tears. She pulled him down to place a lingering kiss to his lips that tasted painfully of salt. "We'll be all right, Charlie."

C&E

"You were right to come to me, Mrs. Carson, Mr. Carson," Dr. Clarkson nodded at them across his desk. Elsie felt Charles stiffen beside her and reassuringly squeezed his hand that had gripped hers since he had been allowed back into the room after the doctor's examination. "There is indeed a mass in Mrs. Carson's left breast and I would like to take another biopsy like we did last time."

Dr. Clarkson continued to speak of their options but Elsie had ceased to listen. Her worst fear was coming true. She had been so relieved the last time her tests had come back negative, but she had still been wary of the lump coming back. She had regularly checked herself to make sure of its absence. She hadn't been as diligent as she should have been since she had married Charles. Her happiness had almost made her forget that such things could happen.

Elsie was brought back to the room by the rumble of her husband's voice. "So you think it will be benign like the last time?"

Dr. Clarkson spread his hands over the papers in front of him before answering. "I believe so. It's not uncommon for a woman with a history of cysts to develop them again. We won't know for certain until the tests come back, but I think there is a greater likelihood of this mass being benign rather than cancerous."

Elsie entered the conversation for the first time since they had all set down. "Can the biopsy be done today?"

C&E

They were lying in the dark pressed closely together. Charles was holding her so tight it was almost unbearable, but Elsie let him. He needed this closeness. If she were honest, she needed it, too. Charles had made love to her slowly, gently, showing her his love as he whispered it in her ears. She had kissed him as a woman drowning, wanting, needing to get lost in him. And afterwards, he had clung to her. What they had thought would be their future had suddenly become clouded and they needed the reassurance of the other's presence.

They had two months of terrible uncertainty before the results of her test came back and they will know if she will live or not. Elsie thinks this time is worse than the last. She has Charles to think of now. She had him before, but now… Now he is her heart and she is his. How can she ever bear to be separated from him?

"Promise me you won't leave me," Charles whispers fiercely, squeezing her impossibly tighter. "Please don't ever leave me, Elsie."

"I could never."


	2. Strength

'Your strength is soft, indirect, delicate, tender, womanly. But it is strength just the same.' – Anaïs Nin

C&E

Charles was hovering. He had been for weeks now and it was beginning to drive Elsie round the bend. She understood why but there was only so much mothering she could take.

There was still over a month before Dr. Clarkson would have the result of her biopsy, and Elsie was determined to stay calm if only for Charles's sake. The stress of waiting for the all clear on Elsie's health had begun to take its toll on him. The episodes when his hands would shake were becoming more frequent and more violent. It frustrated Charles that he was causing more work for Elsie which in turn caused more episodes for him. Elsie was doing her best to find a balance between managing Charles's worry and her own.

But weeks of Charles nervously hovering over her had finally pushed Elsie to the breaking point. She was going to have to have it out with him.

Elsie found her opening one evening after dinner as they were both relaxing in the sitting room. Charles was reading while Elsie worked on her knitting. Charles had fussed for an age making sure that she was comfortable enough before he settled down to read his novel. His eyes, however, kept darting worriedly towards her every few minutes until Elsie could no longer ignore it.

"I do wish you'd stop doing that," she sighed throwing down her knitting in exasperation.

Charles looked over at her innocently. "Doing what?"

"Charlie," Elsie looked at him until he coughed sheepishly. She turned on the settee to face him fully. "You've been treating me like spun glass. I can assure you that I'm not going to break. I know you're worried, but there's no need."

"No need! Elsie-!"

"Charlie!" she interrupted. "There's no use borrowing trouble now when we don't know anything. I feel perfectly fine. And Dr. Clarkson thinks that this thing in my chest isn't going to hurt me. So please, stop mothering me. It's driving me to distraction!"

Elsie had taken his hands in hers during her speech and now gave him a gentle smile to take the sting out of her words. Charles looked down at their entwined hands for a long moment. He swallowed hard before he looked back up at her.

"I'm sorry, Elsie. I know you're right and I'll try to stop." He drew in a deep breath, "I'm frightened, Elsie. We were so happy finally that I never thought…" Charles glanced away. "I can't help but think if the worst were to happen I wouldn't know what to do. Elsie, I'd be lost without you."

Elsie pulled him closer until she could kiss him. She wrapped her arms around his great shoulders to hold him against her.

"Everything will be all right, Charlie. That I can promise you."

C&E

Charles and Elsie were walking home from church arm in arm. Elsie smiled indulgently at her husband as he excitedly told her of an upcoming cricket match he had been asked to officiate. He did love his cricket, her Charlie, and she was proud of how he had transitioned to village life after years spent at the big house.

Suddenly a sharp pain in her chest made Elsie gasp and nearly double over in pain. Instantly, Charles began to panic.

"Elsie?" he half shouted wrapping his free arm around her to keep her from falling. "What's happened? Are you all right?"

Elsie took a few deep breaths and managed to smile weakly at him. "I'm fine, Charlie. I just misstepped and lost my balance."

Charles looked at her incredulously. "Elsie, you're white as a sheet."

"The fall nearly frightened me to death! It's no wonder I'm white as a sheet," she chuckled. "Honestly, Charles, I'm fine. Let's just go home."

Reluctantly, Charles nodded and they continued on their way. But for the next few days, Charles watched her like a hawk.

C&E

Elsie pulled the last of the laundry from the line and folded it into the basket to carry inside. She heaved the heavy basket through the back door into the kitchen where she placed it gratefully on the counter. She leaned against it wearily and tried to catch her breath.

"I think we should start sending the laundry out." Elsie straightened self-consciously and turned to see her husband standing across the room. "There's no need for you to do something as trivial as the washing."

"Charlie," Elsie began exasperatedly, but Charles held up a hand to cut her off.

"You tire more easily," he stated bluntly. "You can barely walk up the stairs to our bedroom without stopping to catch your breath."

"I'm getting older," Elsie smiled ruefully as she walked toward him. "We both are. We're just going to have to remember to slow down."

"No," Charles breathed harshly. "It's not just that. You flinch every time there's pressure on your chest. You're wearing your corset more loosely. Did you think I hadn't noticed? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Elsie clasped her hands in front of her and bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She stared at the buttons of Charles waistcoat until he reached out a hand to cup her cheek.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Elsie," he said lowly. "Tell me this is all my imagination."

Elsie felt a tear roll down her cheek onto his fingers at the worry she saw in his eyes. "We'll tell Dr. Clarkson about it when we go for my test results on Friday."

C&E

All the way to the hospital Charles had nattered on about this and that barely stopping for breath. Elsie had been content to let him ramble on as they walked, but he had fallen silent when they crossed through the hospital doors. A nurse had led them to a bench outside an examination room to wait for Dr. Clarkson

They sat huddled together clasping each other's hands tightly. Elsie felt Charles's hand begin to shake and brought her other hand to his to try to soothe it. Charles growled in frustration.

"It's all right, Charlie," Elsie soothed still stroking his hand. "It's all right."

"I don't deserve you, Elsie Carson," he rumbled. "I should be the one comforting you."

"Well, I'll forgive you," Elsie smiled mischievously. "Just his once, mind."

Charles chuckled and bent down to give her a kiss when the door opened behind him and the nurse stepped out.

"Dr. Clarkson is ready for you."


	3. Life

"But in the night he woke and held her tight as though she were all of life and it was being taken from him." – Ernest Hemingway

C&E

They sat at their dining table as they used to in the servants hall at Downton Abbey- he at the end, she to his right, knees touching. Elsie had made tea as soon as they had returned home from the hospital while Charles had set out the tea things almost despondently. When the kettle boiled Elsie had taken his hand and lead him to the dining room where they were now crowded toward one end of the table.

"I wanted to give you thirty years."

Elsie looked up at Charles's sudden outburst. She furrowed her brow trying to understand his nonsensical statement. "What?"

"I wanted to give you thirty years," he said again. At her continued confusion, he went on. "Before we were married we were arguing over something trivial for the wedding and you said that the wedding was yours because we would be doing things my way for the next thirty years. And I thought to myself then that I wanted another thirty years with you."

Elsie was overcome. She reached across the small space between them and gripped his hand painfully. She didn't bother to check the tears streaming down her face. "I never thought I could love like I love you, Charlie."

Great tears were rolling down his face as Charles pulled her into her lap to hold her close. "God knows how I've loved you, Elsie."

C&E

The next weeks went by as a blur for Elsie. There were visits to the doctor, visits from friends, more visits to more doctors. Some days Elsie didn't know which way was up. But she always had her constant, her Charlie.

Charles was always nearby, always just there. He was her rock. When before she had bemoaned his hovering, now she craved his presence. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. They were always touching, reassuring that the other was still there.

At night they slept completely entwined, skin on skin, holding onto each other for dear life.

And each night they both prayed.

 _Please. Please, God, one more day. Just one more day._

C&E

When the stairs became too much, Charles swapped the dining table for their bed. Days were spent with her laying against his chest as he read to her. On especially bad days he would sing for her. He remembered how just for her.

Elsie still helped him with his buttons when his hands became uncooperative. And when she no longer had the strength to get out of bed she reassured him that he was still a very handsome man with his new beard.

Charles learned how she braided her hair, pinned it up. He helped her dress as she used to help him and then he would take her out into the garden on warm days. They would sit for hours listening to birdsong, happy to bask in the love of the other.

One by one their friends came to say goodbye. Elsie managed to find a smile for all of them. She grew more exhausted after every visit, falling asleep in Charles's arms. Every time she asked the same.

"Sing for me, Charlie."

"Of course, love."


	4. Mary

"There is a painful difference between the expectation of an unpleasant event and its final certainty." - Elinor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility (1995)

C&E

She had lived longer than anyone had expected. Dr. Clarkson had told them they had months and she had stretched it out to almost two years. Mrs. Carson had been a strong woman. Mary couldn't deny that. Of course, it hadn't hurt that she had had the love of one of the strongest men that Mary knew.

During his wife's illness, Caron had been steadfast and almost stoic in his care for Mrs. Carson. Now he looked a completely different man. A broken man.

Carson had stared despondently at the coffin all through the funeral service. Long after Reverend Travis had spoken his last words and the other mourners had left, Carson stood silently by the grave the only movement that of his trembling hands.

Mary had stood beside him throughout the service offering him her quiet support. Mary nodded at Henry to take the children back to the Abbey with the others, leaving her and Carson alone in the graveyard. She stepped closer to him and clasped his shaking hand in hers.

"I'm so sorry, Carson."

Carson turned his attention from the grave for the first time and Mary almost wished he hadn't. His ever expressive eyes were filled with so much pain that Mary could only gasp. She brought her other hand to hug his arm to her tightly. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke.

"She was the best part of me, my Lady, and now she's gone."

Mary understood. She remembered how it felt to lose your other half. She leaned her head against his shoulder still hugging his arm close. Carson lifted his other hand to grasp hers tightly. "I know, Carson. I know...I'm so sorry."

 **A/N Thank you all so much for reading. And especially to those who took the time to review. I appreciate each and every one of you.**


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